Caleb Evans, Bristol, to Mary Steele, [Broughton,] [Sunday] 15 November 1778.

Bris:l  Nov.  15.  1778.

My dear young Friend,

   Pardon my intrusion upon your pensive hours, and don’t frown me away, if for a mom:t or two I venture to ask y.r attention to me, whilst I attempt to interrupt y.r luxury of grief.  Ah! too well I know how exquis:t y.r feelings must be upon the melanch:y occasion, & how little able y.r tender frame is, to bear those shocks which I am too sure it must & does feel.  How happy sh.d I be, could I afford you the least support under them, or teach you how to avoid them. – Think Sylvia, & realize the tho’t, till y:r very soul is absorb’d in it – not wt ye dear Theodos:a was, but what she is – how much happier than where burden’d with mortaly & all its infirmit:s, & in which a far better state than when here.  Think how much is included in those expressions – to die is gain – & how assuredly they are verified in the exper:e of our departed friend.  O who can compute ye gain of death to ye Xtian! Greater than can be imagin’d, for eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man conc:d wt God hath prepared for y.m y.t love him.  Immed:e Gain – absent from ye body – O wt a sudden wt a glor:s change, little short of a translation! – present with the Lord.  Everlas:g gain – ever with ye Lord – & to depart from him no more.  You know all these things, & much more concern:g y:m y:n I am able to suggest to you – but yet oftent:s we do not realize w.t we kn:w than when we most need to do it – & what I wish you to do therefore is – to enter day by day into a realiz:g view of ye present state & felic:y of our dear friend.  Hear ye voice from heaven, say:g unto you – Blessed are ye dead y.t die in ye Lord,  & surely y.r sorrows will be assuag’d, and whilst ye tear falls, y:r gratit:e y.r joy will rise & swell within you – & instead of wish:g back y.r dear Theod:, you’ll hail her, in tho’t, upon her happy exalt:n & feel a long.g des:r to be meeten’d for the same state, & in due time to rejoin her in it. Yes – this is one of ye capital uses we sh.d make of ye death of a beloved friend.  And I doubt not, but this is one of the gracious ends providence designs to answer by this dispensation, with respect to you.  May you be ready to fall in with it, say:g even so, the will of ye Lord be done!  Feel you must, & feel you ought upon so try:g an occasion – but not so as to  indulge a murmur:g tho’t, not so as to give vent to the selfish pass:s, not so as those that have no hope for you have hope n.t only with  respect to yr departed relat:v, but also with respect to yourself.  May this providence brighten that hope, & quicken my Sylvia’s steps in her pursuit of her happy Aunt, who thro’ faith & patience is at length gone to inherit ye promis:s – gone to glory – gone, where she often wish’d to be – gone to heaven – gone to ye Spir:s of the just made perfect – gone to her God & Sav:r – gone, to return indeed no more here, but gone there, where this ye same grace which she exper:d, we hope in due time to be also. 

   My D.r Y:g frd, let me entreat you not to abandon yourself to sorrow und:r this tender providence.  I fear if you sh:d, y.r heavenly Father will be offended, the good Spir:t griev’d, & you may be deny’d those consolat:s which might otherw:s be granted you.  I do not mean that you can or ought entirely to suppress y.r feelings, but only to beg of God that they may be kept within due bounds – & rather be turn’d into the channel of humble resignat:n, devout gratitude, & holy joy, than into that of gloomy discontent & overwhelm:g Sorrow.  I do n.t mean y.t you are likely to be discontent with the will of God as such, but am afraid lest y.r exquis:t sensibilities sh.d rend:r it alm:t impossible for you to be comforted, unless ye loss you have sustain’d could be repair’d. Think my Sylvia how many Frds you have still left, & indulge that gratit:d which you are won’t so much to delight in.  And above all, let Theodosia’s God be more than ever y.r God, be you Theodosia, devoted to God now, openly avow his cause, sit at his table, & humbly commit yourself to him – so will you best improve the death of your dear Lov’d Aunt, & most effect:y fulfil those tender wishes concern:g you, which so often breathed from her pious heart.  Cast all y.r care upon God, & he will sustain you. – I h.v said, D.r Sylvia, scarcely any thing y.t I wish’d to say, but could not be easy with.t saying someth:g  Let me entr:t you to write to me in return, & then perh:s I may be able to write more to ye purp:s.  In the mean time, be assur’d of my tender sympathy & most earnest pray:s.  My dear Aurelia joins with me.  If I h.v said any thing improper forg:v me, & be assur’d y.t I am with the sincer:t frdship,

                                 Y.r affec:t  C E

Text: STE 5/16/i, Steele Collection, Angus Library, Regent's Park College, Oxford. No address page. This letter is the first of nine letters addressed by Evans to Mary Steele. The above letter was written just after the death of Anne Steele on 11 November 1778.