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Benjamin Flower, Newgate to Eliza Gould, [the Gurneys, Walworth], Saturday, 21 September 1799.
Newgate Sep 21. 1799
Saty Morng 11 oclock
After I had sent my Letter of yesterday, to you, My Dear Eliza, I found myself owing to the violence of my cold, and the different agitations of my mind, so very ill, that contrary to my usual method, I resolved to nurse myself a little! Indeed Mr Pearson recommended it to me, as he observed I looked very poorly.
Like sinners in trouble, I thought I would try the effects of hard drinking. I ordered my fire to be lighted, and spent my afternoon in reading over the letters you sent me yesterday, and in drinking nine or ten dishes of Tea. I then ordered a pennyworth of oatmeal, and between 9 & 10 oclock, made myself some capital Water gruel, taking due care to put in some lisbon wine, and a few of the necessary etceteras. At ten oclock, I drank down a Quart, wrapped my head up warm, went to bed, soon got into a perspiration, and found myself considerably better.
Your note of Yesterday came while I was at breakfast, looking over some of the Psalms of David. It made me more devout, as it inspired me with additional gratitude to that God, who has so mercifully disappointed my fears, and who I trust is answering my prayers for your recovery, and for our mutual happiness. Having Mr Saumarez’s opinion of there being no occasion for alarm, my mind is at rest; or else reading in your notes day after day—“I breath[e] with less difficulty than yesterday,” would still excite alarm, as you are not entirely free from that disagreeable and often dangerous symptom,—difficulty of breathing. May I venture to hope that your next will contain the satisfactory information of your being entirely free from the complaint.
You will not I am sure dare to venture out upon your own opinion, nor until you are assured by Mr S— that you may with perfect safety, visit me, will you attempt it: and as to writing, or talking, pray attend to what I wrote you Yesterday.
The only person who called yesterday, after Mr Pearson, was a servant from Mrs Creak, who enquired respecting us both, and particularly after you. I was not sorry I was free from Company. Expecting a note every minute I will defer finishing my Letter.
1 oclock
After walking about the passage, and waiting for the Postman, he is, tho’ later than usual, at last arrived, and has brought me Miss [Eliza] Gurney’s most welcome note. I will not mind your mending slowly, if you do but mend surely. If we can have the main of our wishes gratified, altho’ not in every circumstance, or so speedily as we wish, we must be thankful; and very thankful I indeed feel!
I find myself so abundantly better, that I believe I shall not repeat my slip slops; but if towards night I should be worse, I will be sure to take as much care of myself as I am worth, if not more.
It was my settled intention to send over to morrow morning; Old Mother Bird is not now in the way, but I expect her every minute; and as I am sure Miss Gurney will think me rude if I do not return an acknowledgment of her note, I must enclose this in one to her, and I hope to mention the time, of my sending to morrow. Pray do not again seal your note with a black wafer. I tore it off from that received this morning as soon as it stared me in the face.
May heaven speedily accomplish your recovery is the first the constant Prayer of
Your B Flower
Text: Text: Flower Correspondence, National Library of Wales, Aberystwyth; for an annotated edition of this letter and the complete correspondence of Eliza Gould and Benjamin Flower, see Timothy Whelan, ed., Politics, Religion, and Romance: The Letters of Benjamin Flower and Eliza Gould, 1794-1808 (Aberystywth: National Library of Wales, 2008), pp. 119-20. "Old Mother Bird" is most likely a servant in the Gurney household who served as letter carrier at times.
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