Eliza Gould at Dodbrook, Devonshire, to Benjamin Flower at Cambridge, Wednesday, 30 October 1799.

Dodbrook Octr 31t 1799

Wednesday [Oct 30]

My dear Benjamin

   I feel very uncomfortable that you have been disappointed of a letter in consequence of the irregularity of our post  we have no letter on Tuesday’s a circumstance which I was not informed of in time to prevent that uneasiness which I fear you have experienced in consequence of my apparent omission.  I thank you a thousand times for the letters I found on my arrival at Dodbrook all breathing tenderness.  I have read again and again your long letter & am glad we understand each other on a point of so much importance as the length of our epistles—you make me very happy by convincing me that you do not think me indifferent even to the least of your concerns.  I am so very happy in your company my Ben that I must beg the favor of an hour or two of the same kind of conversation as you afforded me in your sheet of patagonian as often as you can find time.   I used heretofore to be too proud to take the challenge of a long letter from my friends without making a proper return but affliction has humbled me or rather I should have said weakened me for in spite of my weakness I feel that pride lurks still in my heart & would write you now if I dared a very long letter & tell you what were my sensations on meeting those friends whom I love so much after an absence of nearly four years.

   You and I know as well as I what the feelings of a certain friend of yours & mine will be on their next interview about three weeks or a month hence but we will do a kind act for them my dear Ben by taking due care that they shall have all the luxury to themselves.  I cannot describe to you the happiness of mind I at present enjoy.  Since I have twined with you the wreath of affection and friendship—since my heart has so firmly united itself with yours I have been led from a review of those circumstances which after so long an elapsed period has again introduced us to each other to take a grateful survey of the dealings of providence, to unfold the canvas on which is pourtray’d the afflictive events of the last ten years of my life and to trace in an especial manner the wisdom and goodness of that God by whose supporting tho chastening hand I have been hitherto conducted.

   I had tho with a tranquil mind and I trust also with perfect submission to the will of Heaven forbore to anticipate the enjoyment of any other species of Happiness than that which has under all my trials been afforded me in no inconsiderable degree—a peaceful conscience this indeed has been my “mine of treasure.”  But I have ventured again to hope—& hoping as I now do both for you and myself that happiness of a superior cast might be our lot to enjoy in this world—my prospect which has long been dark & cloudy, brightens & the surrounding scene wears a gayer livery.

   The present is a most important era in our very eventful life—I trust my dearest Love we have & shall still continue to ask counsel of God, & to follow as I hope we have, both in this, & every other event of our lives the leadings of his providence.   I have much to say in my next & because I have not here noticed your manly address to your friends—you will not think a line has been lost—the post hurries me to close.   I am still weak—but the complaint on my lungs is entirely removed.   Kind love to Miss Jennings.  I thought to have told you how the matter rested between Feltham & Haskins—adieu my dear Ben—I am your faithful your affectionate

                                                         Eliza Gould

Your letters & papers have been duly received my parents & sisters devour them.

Text: Timothy Whelan, ed., Politics, Religion, and Romance: The Letters of Benjamin Flower and Eliza Gould, 1794-1808 (Aberystwyth: National Library of Wales, 2008), pp. 173-74.