Edgar Anthony Low, 12 Union Street, Spitalfields, to [Joseph Angus, Baptist Mission House, London], 29 November 1842.

Novr 29 1842

Reverend Sir

      I have troubled you with this thinking the committee would like to know more fully the state of my mind in regard to remaining in Africa. The impression on my mind when asked if I were willing to remain was that it would be merely on my own account—for however confident and determined to convey the Gospel there as holding a communion direct from God—I feel much diffidence as to being a servant of the Society’s. But knowing that the committee are much better able to judge what will be most for God’s glory I wish to be altogether guided by their counsel so long as a great work is to be attempted; and there is to be no sparing of those who engage in it. They will never find me hang back to be unwilling to take up my cross and deny myself—But I take no credit to myself in this matter. It will be no cross to me to remain in Africa—thanks be to God who hath prevented me from conferring with flesh and blood—I can spend my life quite as happily in the service of God—in the heart of Africa as if I were only 4 or 500 miles from the coast—and from love to Christ would rather choose to be in the front of battle—I know full well how apt we are to choose ease instead of hardships and for this cause would prefer to place myself in the situation in which there is the least. I feel that I cannot do enough to show my love to my savior and therefore the greater and harder the work the more ready am I to engage in it. If I feel any doubt of being able to go through with this work—and that what will result from its accomplishment viz the calling sinners to repentance and upholding the cross of Christ in defiance of at all its enemies and the feeling of who is sufficient for these things comes across me—his words my grace is sufficient for thee—and in my strength shall thy weakness be perfected is my supper There is much of wrong impression to be done away with—as to the nature of the interior of Africa—before Christians will become alive to the facilities of carrying the Gospel thither—for instance [El Ranery?] the sheik of Kornou—16 years ago—was very anxious that the English merchants should reside at his place and that more especially they were to have their wives with them that they might have no inducements to leave—and it is well known that putting aside the existence of slavery, the state of morals in regard to sexes is superior to what it is in this and the other large cities of Europe—In answer to a question asked me, viz whether I had any faculty in acquiring a language—if I remember aright I think I said that I had not—my wish has been not to speak and think more highly of myself than I ought and in my communicating with the Society to underrate rather than overate the talent God in his mercy has bestowed on me. Yet having some knowledge of the Latin and more lately gained some acquaintance with the New Test Dialect I should hope (of course it would be my strenuous endeavour) with God’s blessing after a colloquial acquaintance with a dialect to be enabled to translate some portion of the New Test into it—I am well aware that the rules of grammar arise out of the construction of a language and that the English alphabet and mode of spelling may be akd[2]—unless it be found desirable as might be the case at Loggun or Begharmi to use the Arabic character—which I don’t think there would be any necessity for inasmuch as those who could read Arabic might have the scriptures in that language—The Becker translation of part of the New Test tho called an African Dialect is I believe a branch of the Arabic—This is in the Arabic characters and spoken by the [illegible] or Foulahs and an Arab tribe who are met with in various places of this part of Africa in some places 1500 miles apart. so that in translating part of the New Test into the Begharmi language the English characters and the simplest mode of spelling would only require to be used—and which a good colloquial acquaintance of the language combined with perseverance I humbly and earnestly hope would enable me to accomplish—In regard to preaching too—what troubles me much is that I cannot. I do so experimentally so deeply of divine things as I could wish. I trust that by prayer and perseverance combined with the teaching of God’s Holy Spirit I shall be enabled to do so. I cannot bear the thoughts of preaching myself instead of Christ—intellectually as it might be instead of in the power of God’s Spirit—I have made some extracts from letters which I wrote soon after my conversion and from a journal I have been in the habit of keeping thinking that such would more fully shew the state of my mind at those times. I have also enclosed a [illegible] of my doctrinal view of the elements of Christianity—with one or two letters I thought you might like to look at—In what I have written and sent I have tried to avoid on the one hand the letting anything like [illegible] prevent me from putting that to paper which might be to God’s glory and on the other any thing like carnal pride prompting me to send or write anything

 “you may suppose that it has given me some concern the disappointment my hopes have met with in regard to this country—but there is one circumstance resulting from it which I trust will be to my future advantage—it has shewn me the vanity and vexation of this life. Man disquieteth himself in vain he heapeth up riches and cannot tell who shall inherit them—

      I shall not trouble myself with such things for the future—but set my affections on higher things—do good eschew evil and do all to the Glory of God¾’written Decr 1840—had my eyes opened to my sinful and lost state in the preceeding [sic] Octr

“I came here expecting to find this country one in which I could live peaceably quietly and comfortably instead of which I find I am drawn into a vortex of trouble and unpleasantness Nevertheless tho I have not found it in the way I wished still I have secured it. That it is not of this world—the ways of God are inscrutable and unfathomable who shall discover them better thought I while I was preparing to come to this country and anticipating so much pleasure and comfort that I should be disappointed—and yet not disappointed for if I have not met with that which I expected I have secured that which is much better—peace of mind and determination to do the will of Him who made me—for if you could have created a being would you not expect it to owe you some gratitude for such creation—does not his a person expect his dog to do what he is told which if he does not he is corrected—yet you gave it not life you merely take care of it—Now God has given us life with many other blessings therefore we ought to do His will.”

      “You may think it very doubtful (alluding to my going to Africa) but I do not despair of seeing you again  there is a spirit in Man and I trust it is in me which will enable him when in the midst of danger and suffering to extricate himself trusting in God who has said I will never leave thee nor forsake thee—which if we believe the Bible to be the world of God—we believe those words for they are in the Bible—then if we fear to place ourselves in such a situation for the benefit of our fellow creatures and the Glory of God we are full of doubtings and believe not with all our hearts.”     written from Guelph  Feb. 1841.

“You may imagine that there is great reason to fear the not seeing me again. in fact that I may perish in the deserts of Africa—fear not the same being who sustained the Patriarch Joseph and other Holy men recorded in the Old Testt and upheld and protected the Apostles and followers of our blessed Saviour through all their trials and wanderings will protect and sustain me for He knows what is the principal cause though mixed as with others less worthy which prompts me to such and undertaking. I intend wherever practicable to introduce the Christian Religion. April 1841

If I succeed in crossing Africa, I should go out again having made up my mind to assist in the utmost of my power in helping that unfortunate country to throw off the incubus of sin and misery which sits upon her, resulting from that ignorance of their Creator which binds Civilized and Christian Nations and beings one to the other. July 1841

May 1841 Left Guelph for New York on my way to Zela spent a religious and profitable evening with a friend previous to doing so the next morning—read some chap. from the Ps. (Fret not thyself) Mr [Lo?] offered up prayers to our Heavenly Father for mercy and more especially for my protection and support which I have experienced since I left had not such a trust in God’s mighty protection as I should have had.

      But feel more reliance on him now—found travelling exposes you to great worldly temptation—must let the interests of my father in heaven be more at heart and bear up against the influence of the world

      On setting out from Guelph was much perplexed how I should proceed now that I am in New York clearly perceive that the finger of God has guided me  I must trust in him humbly but with all my heart and He will ordain all for the best.

June 8/41 should endeavor to get now a course of reading of works useful in such an undertaking as mine  but cannot see my way clear at present—and know not whether I should succeed in procuring the opportunity which my stay in New York will afford me if so it will be my duty so to regulate my time there—I may make the most of it for my own improvement now—for God’s Glory hereafter—

June 15. Mr F to call on Mr Balch this mor[in]g but was taken ill  I cannot see the future but my Heavenly Father can in a calm and holy frame of mind must leave all to him.[3]

June 21. Mr Fraser gone to another world whither we must also follow  Grant Lord that many of us may see the error of our ways our pride vanity love of self and this world Indifference to Thy Interests—and that we may have the assistance of thy Holy Spirit—It is a good plan for a Xtian wishing to live in accordance with his Creator’s Love every now and then to look into his own heart and discover what are his faults—to purge himself so that he may restrain those which are wrong and cultivate the particular form of Godliness he is most sufficient in—now it seems to me that I require a closer communion with God—more reliance on his mercy and protection with a stronger belief that He will give it to me that I am too much ashamed of  his name in worldly company to be a good Xtian. The Lord grant me his Spirit to overcome such shame

      I also want a greater degree of courage to advance his interests and to fight the battle of the cross I ought to endure hardness as a good soldier of Jesus Christ being strong in faith. O most holy and blessed Savior our Lord Jesus help me with the Holy Spirit to have that courage and attain that strength. I possess too much vanity and love of approbation from my fellow worms instead of desiring it for my Creator.

Sepr  It pleased my heavenly Father to impress on my heart a deep sense of his awful presence when retiring to rest—having been previously talking very warmly in defence of the poor suffering African which I pray he will him to contrive to me till it please him to take me to himself and O that I may never be ashamed to in thy defence in whatever company I may be give me strength O Lord and uphold me with thy Spirit—and shall we not risk our lives even as our blessed leader did fighting valiantly for the faith—and now my God preserve me and extend his protection to me when in the desert—in suffering hunger and thirst—I faint.

      And O that he will so warm my heart as to make it beat with high delight when I think of his goodness and mercy to us always

      God be merciful to me a sinner

      I will die in his service and I shall see his face when he is pleased in his good purpose to take me away—

April 1842  Yesterday I was baptized in the name of the father Son and Holy Spirit one God blessed for ever—and therein put on the Lord Jesus Christ—may the Holy Spirit enable me to walk worthy of my calling  I can do nothing of myself—only through Jesus Christ I would much rather be in heaven now  Nevertheless I desire to do God’s work—rather than my own—only I am a sinful creature and so long as I remain on earth shall be one  it grieves me very much to crucify our dear Lord again and to put him to open shame by my sins  but I find in me the same that Paul did—a law in my members that warreth against the spirit

      With my spirit I serve God but with my body Sin  This is just my state now that I have been baptized and I had imagined much to my satisfaction and comfort that I should have been enabled to put away all sin and to have crucified myself with holiness to perfection that while we are in the flesh Sin will prevail—Jesus Christ is my refuge—I will never let go that steel anchor of my hope My Soul Trust thou in the Lord wait patiently faint not neither be weary but trust continuously in thy Lord Saviour

      May the Holy Spirit sanctify my Spirit and enable it to compel my body since it will not give up its vice sins to suffer martyrdom for committing them—and may I thus glorify our Lord Jesus in dying—

Novr 2d 1842  I rely entirely on the merits of my Savior for Salvation—pure simple faith is all that is necessary to the sinners part  believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and ye shall be saved yet many experienced the goodness of good God I feel that if my heart believeth unto righteousness—if I really believe that Jesus Christ is the Eternal Son of God and came down from heaven to save me [from] eternal death my whole life must be a life of faith and so I have discovered this from studying the writings he has left us for that purpose whatever is written therein shall be my guide for the future—The more souls are saved the more Glory will accrue to God not by might nor by power but by my Spirit saith the Lord—I possess no might I possess no power Ask of me—saith another part of his word—the Holy Spirit and I will give it to thee—that is all I want and since it is to be had a free gift and God is willing to bestow it on those who seek for it I am determined not to rest content till I procure it—so that I may delight in Him and in the doing of his will

Text: MAW, Box 39 (no BMS number), John Rylands University Library of Manchester.