Eliza Gould at Dodbrook, Devonshire, to Benjamin Flower at Cambridge, Monday, 4 November 1799.

My dear Benjamin,

   You will read on the face of a short letter a truth which I must not conceal from you—that I have not been long enough at Dodbrook to regain strength sufficient to write you such letters as my heart would dictate.  I have at present a degree of fever which keeps me weak tho I am more free from pain than for some time passed—my disorder now is certainly very different from what it was at Walworth.  I have no complaint whatever on my lungs nor do I perspire at night as usual—relaxation of body want of appetite successive shiverings & flushing heat a constant burning in the palms of my hands & soles of my feet—with at times a great depression of spirits is indeed the sum total of my complaints.

   I told you in my last of a medicine I intended to take—& from the success which has attended the first dose—I am encouraged to persevere—should it not prove efficacious in removing my disorder entirely, I think I shall discontinue the use of medicine for a time & try the effect of air, exercise & strengthening food.  I now make use of as much animal food as I can, & drink porter.  It has rained successively every day but one since I came & it now continues to pour incessantly—no wonder that I gain strength so slowly   indeed I do not expect to get well or to get rid of my fever (which perhaps proceeds from debility & weakness of the nerves) untill I can breathe in pure dry air & take moderate exercise either of walking or riding—I have been out but once only on Horseback since I came.

   To morrow we are invited into the country (4 miles out) at a Farmers.  I am expected to remain there the whole week—my sister Mary will be with me.

   I too my dearest Love must “affectionately remonstrate” with you & beg that I might regularly hear from you by every other post—when you told me in your last letter that you were ill & that your complaint was attended with fever, I fully expected a line by the following post if no more than a line to inform me how you were.  I wish my Benjamin you had written, it would have saved me from a great deal of anxiety & I cannot tell you with how much uncomfortable suspense I waited to receive the paper which has this moment come to hand.  

   As soon as I have recovered strength enough to travel I am resolved to leave Dodbrook & go to Walworth.  I shall be happier, now that I have seen my parents to be once more nearer the only treasure I have in this world—I should then know that a few hours would carry our intelligence to each other—I now feel the distance by which we are seperated more than I can describe.  When I can write a long letter I will, I have much to say—but I believe I must endeavor to write at intervals till I am stronger.  I wonder Mr Haskins has not yet written—I have this morning heard from Miss Gurney—she tells me she has written to you   pray give my kind love to Miss Jennings—& when you write to Hertford send my affectionate respects to your brother & sister.  My parents & Brother and Sisters send theirs to you.

   I shall not hear from you now till Thursday morning—according to my calculation you wrote on Sunday last—your last I received on Friday—(after the rate of a letter a week only)—When I petition you for letters I do not plead my deserts as the ground of my request but the affection that I know you bear me   adieu my dearest friend.  I must only add for the present your unalterable & affectionate

                                             Eliza Gould

Dodbrooke

Novr 4th 1799

Text: Timothy Whelan, ed., Politics, Religion, and Romance: The Letters of Benjamin Flower and Eliza Gould, 1794-1808 (Aberystwyth: National Library of Wales, 2008), pp. 177-78.