Benjamin Flower at Cambridge to Eliza Gould at Mr. Gurney’s, Keene’s Row, Walworth, London, Friday, 20 December 1799.

Cambridge Dec 20.  1799

   I scarcely know my Dearest Love how to reply to your letter of this day.  I had indeed set my heart on commencing the new Year by calling you my own most dear Eliza Flower—a plan originally proposed, tho’ only proposed by me when you was in Devonshire, and fully assented to by you—then indeed deferred because I did not wish to hurry you to London, but it was only wished to be deferred on your part in case we could not procure the licence now, hoping for three weeks past I should be able to procure it—and having wrote to my brother to that effect—then again unsettled by deferring our Union to I know not what day—I make use of that expression, because I am sure there will be many matters to settle which cannot be done in a week, and that there will be “sixes and sevens” about our household arrangements a month as well as a week after new years day.  Do not my dearest love suffer any wrong impression to arise from what I have now said.  You know you claim a right to be acquainted with all my feelings—I have faithfully represented them on reading your letter.  You know not what I gave up last week in pursuing my solitary journey of two days instead of having you with me as I hoped and anticipated.  However I will not urge you.  I only thought that our marriage and a visit to Hertford would prove a charming pause in the midst of our little bustle of arrangement.  You probably must visit London again.  Can you not contrive without any material inconvenience, to have three or four of the sixes and sevens rectified, and take your leisure as to the rest. Do my own Dear Eliza (I will never call you by your Sir name again, altho’ I must insert it in the direction of one or two more letters) Do oblige me in this point.  But I will not add another word on the subject if you say—you shall be too much hurried—or shall be any way uneasy—Only fix the matter by return of Post.  I will not say fix another day, lest I should experience another disappointment.   If I had imagined you would not have had time enough, I should, indeed I should have endeavoured to dissuade you from losing four days at Bedford, and to have deferred your visit there, which was not of material consequence till after our marriage: but as I before said, if it is still your wish to defer the day, and that you shall be uneasy unless it is deferred, I will not further press the matter.

   In my last I informed you of my being unable to visit London this week, and if our union is to be put off another week, I must in that case defer my journey a week longer than I intended: the reason is I much wish not to return again, and then to have another journey to London before our marriage.  I likewise wish to stay a few days with you at my brother’s after our union.  There we may contrive our farther plan, and all our work will be easy.  If the day is to be New Years day, then I hope to leave Cambridge next Tuesday Eveng—stay the Wednesday with my Brother, and be with you on Thursday morning.  If it is to be deferred another week, then I must defer my Journey another week likewise.  I shall depend upon hearing from you by return of Post as otherwise, there being no post on Sunday, I shall not hear till Tuesday.

   Do not my Dear Love let your friends in London hurry you or exhaust your spirits.  I fear you have been too much hurried at Bedford; you see they would not let you for a single hour in the course of three days converse with your B. Flower. You say they will not let you write such letters “as you wish”; if this was in kindness to you, I would forgive them, but I fear your conversation with others hurts you quite as much as your writing to me.  I wish you to do nothing to hurt yourself, but your letters I know, like your Conversation would not only entertain but inspire me; that makes me regret that you can so very seldom write me anything but a hurrying note.  Why do you like writing in the dark?

   Pray may I not call Mr Claypole, by your account of him, a thick or a wooden head?  I am really provoked that ignorance and stupidity united attempt to instruct others, and that men of sense would admit persons of such a description into their pulpits.

   I can give you no farther information about furniture as Mr Isaacson is not returned from Linton.  We looked over the Catalogue together with Miss Jennings, and as I found there were but few lots that would suit us, and Mr I- assured me he would do for me as well as if I attended myself I have trusted to him.  I will write you farther particulars, and inform you of all that is done at the house in my next which I will be sure to send by Sunday Evenings post.

   I hope the phrase “very well” in your letter, means that you have found sleep at night, at least sounder than of late, and that your, more or less, habitual weakness decreases.  You must not my dear love wonder, if I criticise such an expression, when I recollect what a dreadful account I had of your health the very next letter to one which informed me you were quite well.  But blessed be God I have no fear of a similar account.  Mr Holman’s & Miss Jennings’ account convince me that your occasional weakness is only the remains or the result of your late disorder.  Take care of yourself; for that is taking care of me.  I hope Miss Gurney is recovered.   Remember my Respects to her, and family—Miss Jennings desires her kind Remembrance.  Adieu my most dear Eliza, and assure yourself of the entire possession of the heart & the warmest affections of yours forever

                                                         B Flower

I have just directed to you a paper   I wrote a line [to your] fathers as you des­ired.

Text: Timothy Whelan, ed., Politics, Religion, and Romance: The Letters of Benjamin Flower and Eliza Gould, 1794-1808 (Aberystwyth: National Library of Wales, 2008), pp. 214-16. On the sides of the letter Flower has written, “Can you not get assistance in needle work?-I believe I shall want nothing but a cravat or two” and “I find by your former letter I am here mistaken;-but yr last was so very short!”