Anne Dutton, Whittlesey, to the Revd William Grant, Wellingborough, c. 1725.

Dear and honour’d Brother,

         I received your Letter with Gladness, and thankfully own your Kindness therein. I bless the Lord, I was refreshed by what you wrote. And am made to rejoice, with Wonder, that the Careful, Gracious Eyes of the Lord, are constantly fixt upon me, always waiting to be Gracious to me in all Cases and Places, and therefore in this: so that I need not fear any Enemy that may beset me, nor any Want that may attend me. And if it had not been so, where had I been long e’re this? Surely among the Congregation of the Dead!

         I rejoice with you, for all the great Goodness you are made a Partaker of, in that our gracious Father is still drawing out his loving Kindness towards you, giving you Assurance of his everlasting Favour; by which you are changed into the same Image, from Glory to Glory. And also in that he is still keeping your Feet from Falling, covering your Head in the Day of Battle, putting a new Song into your Mouth, and bringing you up out of the Wilderness, leaning upon your Beloved. Leaning upon his omnipotent Arm, which is strong enough to bear you up under all your Weakness; and leaning upon his bosom also, where your benumbed Limbs get fresh Warmth and Nourishment, by which they are made nimble in their spiritual Motion. And this Happiness of yours, as a Fellow-Member in Christ’s Body, makes mine more full.

         As to the Exercise of my Mind, since I came here, I can say but little of it in this Paper; but in order to shew the Lord’s gracious Dealings, I would say something. I have been, at times, covered with thick Darkness, and the Beasts of Prey came out and raged violently against me. But the Lion of the Tribe of Judah, has deliver’d my Soul from those Lions which would have smitten my Life down to the Ground. And while the Clouds were so terrible Dark, I was refresh’d with the Thoughts of God’s turning them round by his Counsels, and causing it to come whether for Correction, for his Land, or for Mercy, Job xxxvii. 12, 13. And as I met with this Darkness, in my own Mind, so also I felt Coldness, by which the Limbs of the New-Creature were so benumbed, that they were unfit for Motion in divine Service. Yea, my Heart was almost [99] frozen, and so contracted, that it could not run into my Father’s; nor pour out my Supplications into his Bosom. But instead thereof, I was ready to run from Him, and have hard Thoughts of my tender Father; as if He had forgotten to be gracious, and would be favourable no more; or, at least, that I was forgotten and forsaken. And my Guiltiness sometimes made me fear, that He had made a Way for his Anger. Tho’ the Remembrance of what He said to me, somewhat stay’d me, as to this. But being tempted to think false Things of Him, and of his Dealings with me, I was ready to run away from his, and so to swoon and die for want of Food. Sometimes I thought, I could not serve him. Yea, I think I have found something of strange Rebellion, and too much Unthankfulness for present Mercies.

         Thus while my Father hid Himself, I went on frowardly in the Ways of my own Heart. A Wonder of Grace it is, I was not suffer’d to run whither my Enemies would have driven me! The careful, gracious Eyes of the Lord being fixt upon me, He saw my Ways, and resolved to heal me; and he did it by restoring Comforts to me. His Bowels broke forth, with an Oh! thou Afflicted, tossed with Tempest, and not comforted! Isa. liv. 11. He caused me to hear Joy and Gladness, in that Word of his Grace, verse 7, 8. For a small Moment have I forsaken thee, but with great Mercies will I gather thee. In a little Wrath I hid my Face from thee, for a Moment, but with everlasting Kindness will I have Mercy on thee. And with this loving Kindness he drew me into the fresh Exercise of Faith in his everlasting Favour, and the Truth of all the Promises of his Grace; which I, by reason of Darkness, knew not how to reconcile with his present Providences. And by this Love-look He humbled me under a Sense of all my Vileness, in pretending, [100] with the Line of my own Wisdom, which is but Folly, to fathom the unsearchable Depths of his wise Providence. And then I cry’d out, with Job, I have heard of thee by the hearing of the Ear, but now mine Eye seeth thee. Wherefore I abhor myself and repent in Dust and Ashes. And, once have I spoken, yea, twice, but I’ll proceed no further. – Thus Grace answer’d my Cavils at this Time. And when the Sun was up, the evil Beasts hasted to their Dens; and I saw whereabout I was, even in that same Grace, where I viewed my Standing before the Night came on. Then I said, ‘I’ll complain no more of my Father’s Dealings.’ – But, did I keep my Word! Ah! no.

         The Sun withdrew, to mourning I went again; the Enemies that were put to Flight, gathering up their scatter’d Forces, Rendezvous’d afresh; the Night came on, and I, growing dark and cold, could make but a faint Resistance. At length, thro’ the Enemies within, the Enemies without enter’d; and an army of black Doubters was presently muster’d. And if the Lord had not been on my Side, when they rose up against me, they had swallow’d me up quick. But the Captain of the Lord’s Host, lift up Salvation for an Ensign; and then I fought under a Banner of Love display’d. What shall I say? infinite Patience has been extended towards me, and Bowels of Compassion have yerned [sic] upon me!

         My Heart has often been for making Tabernacles, where I saw Christ’s Glory. And He observing how loth I was to come down from the pleasant Mount, for fear I should lose his sweet Company; was graciously pleas’d to call me, to come with Him from Lebanon. And knowing how hard we are to believe his Presence with us, when we leave Lebanon, he doubles it: With Me from Lebanon, my Spouse, Song iv. 8. By Lebanon, as applicable to my Case, [101] I apprehended, The pleasurable Place where I saw the Majestick Glory, of the God of all Grace, while I sat down under the Shadow of my Beloved, and found his Fruit sweet unto my Taste. The Invitation to come away, was thus: as if my Lord had said, ‘Don’t stay in thy Desires at Lebanon, nor think I’m left behind; I am with thee still; I have something to do here; Come with Me, therefore from Lebanon. Look from the Top of Amana, Shenir, and Hermon, from the Lions Dens, and the Mountains of the Leopards.’ By Amana, Shenir, and Hermon, I thought might be apprehended[,] [t]hose Dewy Mounts where my thirsty Soul had wont to be refreshed under the sweet Distillations of Gospel Life, and Blessedness. For the Psalmist speaking of the Dew of Hermon which descended on the Mountains of Zion, says, There the Lord commanded the Blessing, Life for evermore, Psa. cxxiii. 3. And as the Lord call’d me to come with him from Lebanon, so to look from these dewy Mounts, even the very Top of ’em. And thus he said, ‘Don’t look back my Spouse, as if all thy Happiness lay there; but cast thine Eyes forward unto the transcendent Glories which are in Me: Thou hast Me to look to still; and there is more to be seen and enjoy’d in Me, than ever thou didst yet behold, even upon the very Top of those Mounts.’ And sweetly my Lord call’d me to take up my Solace in Himself, in this Verse:

         ‘Let my fair Glories thee entice

                     ‘To come along with me:

         ‘Forsake thine earthly Paradise;

                     ‘Thy Paradise I’ll be.

Again, He call’d me from all terrifying Objects; from the Lions Dens, and the Mountains of the Leopards. ‘Come away, said He, my Spouse, [101] from those Beasts of Prey that would devour thee; look from the Lions Dens, run into my Bosom, and dwell at Peace; I am thy Refuge, where thou may’st be safe from all that would harm thee.’ Thus my kind Lord call’d me, and his powerful Voice gave me Motion; (for I found what he said, to be Amen.) And so, looking, I came. – But did I stay? Ah! not long.

         Again I wandred from my Place, as the Bird from her Nest; and the Birds of Prey found me; and doubtless they had devour’d me, but that my gracious Lord was swift in his Motions for my Deliverance. As Birds flying, defending he has defended; and passing over he has preserved me, Isa. xxxi. 5. When weary and heavy laden, by taking the Burden upon my own Shoulders, my Lord has call’d me to Him, and promis’d to give me Rest, Matt. xi. 28. When, by reason of Darkness, I knew not what to do; he has bid me trust in the Name of the Lord, and stay upon my God, Isa. l. 10. Wounded I have been, and that in my Eyes, so that I could not see the Glories of divine Love, thro’ the Vail that was on its Face. But then Eyesalve has been bestowed, for the Recovering of my Sight. So that I have been made to believe, that, whoso is wise, and will observe these Things, even they shall understand the Loving-Kindness of the Lord. Aye, Loving-Kindness of the Lord. Aye, Loving-Kindness in commanding, and raising those stormy Winds, by which God’s poor sea-faring Children are tost to and fro, and reel like a drunken Man; for when at their Wits End, these see the Works of the Lord, and his Wonders in thee Deep, Psa. cvii. 24, &c.

         And once, when I was praising the Lord for his former Mercy, which a while ago ravish’d my Heart with its unvailed Glory; I look’d upon the present Scene, and seem’d to lose the Sight of Mercy’s Face, thro’ the intervening Cloud; and my Musick [103] began to flat. But in order to raise my Notes of Praise high, Mercy's Eye pierc’d the Cloud, and look’d upon me with a Ray of its Glory, in those Words, Psa. cvii. 1, 2. O give Thanks unto the Lord, for He is good: for his Mercy endureth for ever. Let the Redeemed of the Lord say so. Then said the Lord, ‘What, didst thou see the Glory of my Mercy the other Day, and canst now praise in the Remembrance of it, and yet are stopt in thy Notes about my present Mercy? Why? my Mercy endureth for ever: It’s as great towards thee now as ever. What tho’ a Vail is on its Face, it’s the same Mercy still; and therefore say so still.’ And then high Notes of Praise, for everlasting Mercy, together with low Notes of mournful Lamentation, for all my unbelieving Thoughts, and hard Speeches, sweetly joyn’d in Consort; while I heard this sweet Whisper, I will be merciful to their Unrighteousnesses, and their Sins, and Iniquities, I will remember no more! Oh! then I mourn’d that I should not believe in the Dark. ‘Oh! my Unkindness, thought I, that ever it should be me! If it had been some other of God’s Children, that han’t had such Testimonies of Love and Grace, it would not have been so much: but that it should be I, that have been so favour’d! Thus I repented at this Time.

         But yet, again, at another Season, my Heart began to mutter its former Language. And while I was thinking on the Views I had while with you, of the Greatness of divine Love, I began, and said, ‘Well, I thought Mercy would have prevail’d for me, and that Love had been strong enough to have given the Victory on my Side, and that Christ would have used his Interest for me at the Throne, for obtaining the Favours my Soul desired.’ And the Lord heard me speak my Thoughts, and was graciously pleas’d to tell me his Thoughts: in that Word, [104] Isa. lv. 9. For as the Heavens are higher than the Earth, so are my Ways higher than your Ways, and my Thoughts than your Thoughts. And then opening his Heart to me, he thus said, ‘Thou thought’st that my Love to thee was great, infinite, unchangeable, invincible, so that nothing could overcome it, and that it was so strong that it would conquer all Opposition: And thou thought’st right. But my Thoughts: the Thoughts of my Heart, in my Grace towards thee were still higher, Immeasurably higher than thy highest Thoughts; even as the Heavens are higher than the Earth! And from thy high Thoughts of my Grace, thou contrivedst [sic] the highest Ways thou couldest, for my Love to display itself in; and verily thought’st it must come that Way. But the Plottings of my Heart, to shew my vast Grace towards thee, were still higher than thine: My Ways, as well as my Thoughts are immeasurably higher; every way answerable to my great Being, and the infinite Depths of my Wisdom.’

         And when the Lord the Holy Ghost, had thus directed my Heart into the Love of God, with Moses, I made haste, bow’d down, and worshipp’d: Adoring infinite Love, which so far surpasseth Knowledge: Aye, and infinite Wisdom too, that contrives all the Ways infinite Love walks in! And when a Ray of infinite Wisdom broke in upon my Heart, my own Wisdom fell down before it, as Folly. Believing, I began to admire its Ways, thus; ‘Lord, What was smiting, an higher Way of shewing thy Kindness towards me, than embracing! What, turning me out of Doors, an higher Way than to let me dwell in thy House! Oh how unsearchable are thy Judgments, and thy Ways past finding out!’ Oh! then I long’d for Grace to serve him, and that if I might not, with Mary, stay to kiss and embrace his Feet, [yet] that, like her, I might be sent with some Message to his Brethren!

         I have reason to bless God for the Holy Spirit, as the Spirit of Counsel. For He has counsel’d me to carry it friendly to Christ, esteeming it, my highest Honour and Happiness to do any Service for him, altho’ it should be attended with some Loss as to the Enjoyment of him. And as He has been the Spirit of Counsel to instruct me, so also the Spirit of Might, to assist me, and make his Counsel efficacious. By which I have been made to acquiesce with that Word, Mark x. 44. He that will be chiefest among you, let him be Servant of all. If it is but to be a Servant of a servant of Christ, it is an Honour. Those Words of the Apostle, have been of great use to me in this Sense, Phil. iii. 7, 8. But what Things were Gain to me, those I counted Loss for Christ. Yea doubtless, and I count all Things but Loss for the Excellency of the Knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord. My Heart was wrought up to think thus: ‘If I did certainly know, that Christ Jesus my Lord, would be glorified in my coming hither, I should straightway count all those Enjoyments, which before I esteemed a Gain more worth than Worlds, to be but Loss in comparison of the excellent Knowledge of his Glory.’ I thought if the Question had been put thus: ‘Wilt thou stay here, and enjoy him, or go away, and glorify him?’ and so left for me to chuse, and cast the Lot which Way I would, my very Soul would have cast it for his Glory. And that Word was encouraging to me, Prov. xvi. 4. The Lord has made all Things for himself.

         Thus I have cause to bless the Lord for his Goodness, and to lament that mine is, even still, but like the Morning-Cloud, and the early Dew, that quickly passeth away. It’s well for us, that there is something more stable than our own Frames to rejoyce [106] in; even that substantial, unchangeable, never-failing Goodness of Jehovah, which is secured for us in his everlasting Covenant; all the Blessings of which are sure, because they stand upon the absolute Grace of his Heart, and the immutable good Pleasure of his Will. And as the laying up of his great Goodness for us, was according to his own Heart, so also, the dispensing of it to us. For, not by thy Covenant, says he, when he bestows any special Favour upon his dear Children.

         Let us mutually pray, and praise for each other, while at a Distance on this stormy Ocean. ’Twill be but a little while ere we shall meet in the quiet Haven of Christ’s Bosom; and together with all God’s dear Ones, take up our Rest for ever in the Embraces of Him whom our Souls love: While the Vision of his Glory, satiates us with new Pleasures for evermore! And then Time and Place shall part us no more. All our Father’s Children are exceeding near both to him and one another. And as we are all one in Relation, so we shall be all one in respect of Habitation. And when once we get Home to our Father’s House, then, no more Sin, Sorrow, Changes or Death; but, instead thereof, perfect Holiness, Joy, Life and Glory to an endless Eternity!

         The Peace of God which passeth all Understanding, keep your Heart and Mind thro’ Christ Jesus.

         With dear Love to your whole self, I rest

                     Your unworthy Sister in Christ,

A.    D.

Text: A.  D. [Anne Dutton]. A Brief Account of the Gracious Dealings of God, with a poor, sinful, unworthy Creature, relating to some particular Experiences of the Lord’s Goodness, in bringing out several little Tracts, to the Furtherance and Joy of Faith. With an Appendix, and a Letter prefix’d on the Lawfulnes of a Woman’s appearing in Print. Parts I, II, and III. London: Printed by J. Hart, in Popping’s Court, Fleet-street; and sold by J. Lewis, in Pater-noster-row, near Cheapside. 1750.  Part II, pp. 97-106.  Dating of the above letter (and the following two) comes from a phrase in the third letter in this sequence below, where Dutton writes that she has had by that time “twenty Years Experience of the Grace and Faithfulness of God,” a reference to her conversion at the age of 13 in Northampton. That event occurred in 1705; she joined the Castle Hill Independent congregation two years later, in 1707. Thus, these three letters would have been written sometime in 1725-26.