Benjamin Flower at Newgate to Eliza Gould at the Gurneys, Walworth, Wednesday, 11 September 1799.

My Dearest Eliza

   Your heart reviving note, received this moment, made me break out in the exclamation (with very different sensations from those of the unhappy wretch from when it first issued) “Surely the bitterness of death is past”! I was indeed much agitated, when, and for sometime after you left me last evening, I had almost regretted my having sent my packet—or having hinted at my prospect of happiness to any of my friends.  Your affectionate declaration in the course of yesterday’s happy hours afterwards increased the agitation I could not hide; but yet, upon the whole, my Conscience approved of the entire plan on which [I] have acted towards you.  I therefore retired to rest, as resigned as possible to the will of Providence, whatever might be the result.

   I received a packet from Cambridge, early this morning which altho’ it required immediate attention, I threw aside.  I was fit for nothing, and knew I should remain so till you favoured me with a line.  I shall now, for the remainder of this day, stick close to business, with an eased, a cheerful heart, with renewed gratitude to Providence, and, if possible, with increased esteem, admiration, and affection for you.  

   I need not say with what pleasure, tho’ I cannot answer for my feelings, I shall expect your next visit: but my mind is comparatively so much at rest, to what it has been for a long time past, that if seeing me to morrow, will, as you I believe hinted yesterday, be attended with much inconvenience to you, I will not press it.  If I do not see you, you will have the goodness to favour me with a note, just to inform me if you are well and if I may depend on you to breakfast on Friday Morning.

   My parcel from Cambridge, contained a letter from Miss Jennings written in her usual friendly style.  Towards the commencement she “wishes to be kindly remembered to you,” at the close she repeats—“Do not omit to remember me affectionately to Miss G-” I believe no one was ever acquainted with you, but, unless influenced by some unworthy motive, felt interested in your happiness.

   Miss J- repeats the admonition I have had from other quarters, “to endeavour to be cautious of my affections being too strongly fixed”—for she adds—“I know your disposition so well, that if any thing should deprive you of the object of your affections, I dread the consequences for you.”  But away with all “dreaded consequences”—You still assure me of “your affectionate regard, have much to say that will contribute to my happiness, and wish me to view things on the bright side and be happy.” Such language from you makes me happy, and I trust that Providence designs I should be so.  Adieu!  Adieu!

                                 Eternally yours

                                             B Flower

Newgate Sep. 11.’99

Wednesday— 1 oclock

P.S.  I would have sent this note, by a private hand, but I recollect you are absent from home, and will not return till the evening, and that I am in time for the afternoon post.

Text: Timothy Whelan, ed., Politics, Religion, and Romance: The Letters of Benjamin Flower and Eliza Gould, 1794-1808 (Aberystwyth: National Library of Wales, 2008), pp. 103-04.