Benjamin Flower at Newgate to Eliza Gould at the Gurneys, Walworth, 15 September 1799.

                                                         Newgate, Sep 15.  1799

                                                                     Sunday, 1 oclock

My Dear Eliza

   Though deprived of your company to day, I cannot be without you, in some way or other.  I must have a little conversation by letter.  I only lament, that in this way, of late, I have had almost all the talk to myself.  I promise myself however, that you will shortly repay me.  I dare not indeed ask for the same quantity, as you have received from me, when I consider the superior quality of what you are always sure to send me in return.  You have it is true desired me to throw a “shabby note into the fire.” So I will as soon as I receive one; but not yet having any note of yours, of that description in my possession, the compliance with your request is an impossibility.

   The whole of Yesterday I passed in a mopish (is there such a word) kind of manner.  This was partly owing to “Skyey Influence,” it being a very dull day, partly to my not having had a single soul to call on me during the whole of it, and partly to your cold.  My note yesterday proved to you what I felt on the  latt­er account.

   About 4 in the afternoon a note was brought me.  The direction was written in a hand somewhat similar to yours, as indeed is the mind of the writer.  I thought it yours, opened it, read it, and altho’ it was from an old friend, I much esteem, I felt disappointed.  It is necessary for me to give you a short extract, as it relates to you.  After an apology for not visiting me before, my friend thus expresses herself.  “My husband, tho’ still confined to his chamber is so much better that he is willing I should announce a day next week to drink tea with an old friend.  Besides, you had the goodness to propose inviting a very charming young woman (I use Mr S-’s expression) to give me the meeting. I suspect this kind fair is a very particular friend.  If so, I will congratulate you sincerely on such an acquisition, and predict that your best, your happiest days are at hand.  Tuesday next; between 4 and 5 o’clock, I hope to be with you, unless on Monday I should receive a note appointing some other day.”

   Now, as I am deprived of you to day, do pray continue to pass, with me, to morrow and next day.  By the way, as Walworth is so far, would it be inconvenient for you to sleep on Monday night at Mr J. Gurney’s. You recollect my Brother and Sister from Hertford will be here to morrow, for the purpose of meeting you.  If your cold should not be better, have the goodness to send me a note, by some private hand, as early as you can in the morning.  But I must sincerely hope, the nursing of yesterday and to day, will almost if not entirely restore you.  But let me entreat you to take care of yourself.  Do not attempt walking, unless the weather is much finer that at present it promises to be.  I will not desire you to throw my “shabby note” of yesterday “into the fire” but rather to keep it and frequently to ponder that part of its contents which you know I allude to. 

   About 7 last evening I received your note.  It was I think by the style, written in better spirits than it was received.  But I reasoned with myself, and recovered my tranquility.  I recollected the past month, in what different ways my mind had been agitated.  I felt gratitude to that God who had inclined your heart to unite with mine.  And indeed, when I farther recollect, that it was only this day four weeks that I first addressed you on the most important occurrence of my life   —and how my fears have been since disappointed and my warmest hopes encouraged—I am very happy!  I am glad no one is now by me, for were my eyes to be the interpreter, it might be supposed, my sensations were those of grief  instead of joy. 

   You perceive that I endeavour, and I assure you I shall constantly endeavour to trace every mercy to its source, “the giver of every good and perfect gift.” There are various expressions in sacred writ, such as God giving favour in the sight of another—inclining the heart &c. which have struck me on more than one occasion,—from the treatment I have received from the keepers of this prison, and from what I have still more happily experienced from you.   I pray God, I may never forget that every thing amiable, lovely and excellent in the creature, is only an emanation from the creator; this thought conveys the heart, to where it ought to be conveyed, the centre of felicity.  This reflection is the more necess­ary, indeed absolutely necessary to persons of great sensibility.  Without it there is very great danger of making an Idol of the creature; and when that is the case, our heavenly father, who is jealous of the hearts of his people, will, in mercy, yes—however severe—in mercy, either embitter, or tear away the Idol, altho’ the heart should at the same time be torn in pieces.

   Do not think of making your Devonshire Tour longer than a month, or at most five weeks.  I think with a little common contrivance, we may be settled at Cambridge in the month of December.  You perceived how soberly I talk and without hurry: Let us lose as little time as possible.

   This morning I had an acquaintance to breakfast with me, who used often to call at the same time on the Sunday morning.  I found he had been out of Town.  I told him he knew not what he had lost by omitting to visit me as formerly. I read him some of your Letters, those only, relative to the Sunday Schools.  He expressed himself as every body else has, to whom I have read them; and warmly felicitated me on the choice I had made.

   Three other acquaintance have sat an hour with me. 

   In your note received on Saturday sen’night, you say—“You must give me credit till next week for a letter.” Now remember I have given you that credit.  I hope to receive, very shortly, a large stock of what certain good people call—Experience, and I pay you no compliment when I say it will be infinitely sup­erior to those curious spiritual budgets, which, to the disgrace of the majority of Protestant dissenting churches, continue to be passports to church fellowship.

   “You was going (in your note of last night) to say some kind thing to me, but the post hurried you to close.” I wish some one had laid hold on the postman and locked him within doors, till you had said what you intended.  Well—You must say it in your next, or I shall think you cruelly tantalizing.

   I have procured a person to convey this, and have desired him to wait your own time for an answer.  Tell me fairly, and minutely, how you are: but if you are even as much recovered as I hope to hear, I am sure it will be imprudent for you to attempt walking out to morrow.  You must therefore do, as I recommended in my note of Yesterday.

   I have written to your Father, and to my Mother.  I have expressed my Confidence that the former will cordially approve of your, and the latter of my Conduct.

   Adieu!  my Dearest Eliza.  I feel a peculiar complacency of mind, and soul tranquility, and joy of heart to which I have long been a Stranger.  I have the highest earthly happiness in prospect—that of reposing myself in your heart, and of subscribing myself while life lasts

                     Your dearest and most affectionate

                                 B Flower

P.S.  4 o’clock.  I thought of sending this two hours since, but the person did not come.  I have dined with Mr Kirby.  He hopes you did not get your cold at the Sessions house. Mrs Kirby is just returned home.

Text: Timothy Whelan, ed., Politics, Religion, and Romance: The Letters of Benjamin Flower and Eliza Gould, 1794-1808 (Aberystwyth: National Library of Wales, 2008), pp. 106-08. 

The writer of the note mentioned above is possibly Elizabeth Shepherd, who, along with her husband, subscribed to Joseph Swain’s poem, Redemption (1797),  which was sold by Martha Gurney (Swain had once pastored the Baptist meeting at East Street, Walworth). Her husband may be the same Samuel Shepherd, Esq., of Peckham, who subscribed to Robert Robinson’s Ecclesiastical Researches in 1792.  Mrs. Shepherd appears in two other letters in the Flower Correspondence. Other references above are to John Gurney, Richard Flower, and his wife, Elizabeth.