Marianna Attwater Head, Bodenham, to Jane Attwater Blatch, Bratton, [Monday], 22 June, through [Wednesday], 1 July 1818.

   Is it possible and do I once more adress my dr Sister fm Bodenham the comfortable residence of our hond Parents our beloved Brother his amiable & deservedly beloved Partner happy Parents they were preserved from the cutting stroke of the bereavement yes they had their dear offspring around to close their eyes how merciful was God to them in receiving them to glory before their dear son was taken – O my dear Sister what a hardened wretch am I to bear to see abroad at home the accustomed places that used to be filled with its loved inhabitants  I tremble at my own stupidity – but surely I ought to thank ye name that holds me up – could I find my soul leaning alone on that divine support who alone can sanctify every providence.

June 23 

  Our dear Maria has been so kind to write to our mutual friend so I shall lay by when I have presented the congratulations of this little broken circle & our sincere wishes for your seeing the return of this propitious day for many many years to come and that every return may be fraught with uninterrupted tranquility of every comfort that can add pleasure to your self & your beloved Pastures.  What a mercy to see this dr family so calm so affectionate & I hope the afflicted widow is more tranquil than I expected – Sabbath day I went to Church in hope of the dr woman going but alas she could not venture – but yesterday she walked with us in ye garden & was so obliging to shew me the Rooms upstairs – O my dr sister you alone can enter into my acute feelings – but I would rather catch myself – & say I have in late years so much suppressed my feelings that I seem like a log – the dr Children seem all obedient – we lamented good Mr W’s death & poor Thomas’s leaveing school so soon but perhaps that was ordered for the best – that he might observe his hon’d fathers method &c he appears diligent & attentive & two steady experienced teachers to advise & many kind friends to aid &c who can tell but God may preserve & bless the widow of ye fatherless – the dr girls to be permitted to be under ye care of Mr & Mrs Saffery.  All things may work together for good if we are but a family that do love God.  Mr Williams too is better  tho he has had a sad bruise in his eye.  Dear Sarah & Philemon are thro mercy much better than I expected to find them  Mrs P—n is very anxious about her husband attending this bustle – tis indeed very unfortunate for us to come at such a time I fear we cant get Horses to return.

   We have this day been accompanied by our dr Maria to ye Repository of our ancestors none of whom have come up to my age accept our Father and O how many has been called so much younger why me thus spared Lord for Jesus sake impress it on my heart and fit me to join those happy Spirits whom thou hast graciously received to glory  O true a trembling Sinner Lord whose Hope, still hovering round thy Word would light on some weak promise there some sure support against despair.

June 25 

  This day we have spent with our dr beloved Philemon and his good help-mate If any thing could rejoice my sheltered heart surely it must be gratified with a scene of such compleat order such a convenient House with every accommodation that is useful and needed such delightful gardens so commodious well laid out & filled with all that is necessary to render it useful to gratify ye taste or engage as please the Eye the lovely girl seems to me uncommonly intelligent for her age she is indeed a smart engageing child may she be spared in mercy to her fond Parents – when I look or think of our dr yet spared nephew – and behold him surround’d with every comfort – the evil surmise arises all is uncertain brittle as the bubble as burst in fact – nor can we expect (as good Mr Flavel says) that God should alter ye laws of nature to please us?  It is as natural to us & our Relations to die, as it is for flowers to fade wither & fall, or the moon to wane &c but when they are taken in youth or in the midst of usefulness what can heal survivors wounds nothing can be effectual but divine grace poured in may ye lenient hand who hath said be of good cheer thy sins are forgiven – even dr Brother & Sister Attwater how highly favored to be taken before their dr Sons  ah how cheerful  perhaps they have stood at ye gate of Heaven to welcome their dear children & conduct them to therewith  here are we & ye children thou gavest us – & who can tell but our dear departed may be sent to bid us welcome also  O joyful hour O blest abode for to be near & like our God!

Saturday Eve. 

  This rioting voteing detains us yet in this inchanting spot as they say a carriage cannot be obtained – and if it could there is fear of females if alone being insulted our dr kind Cousins endeavour to make our traveling as terrific as they can their tender & affectionate kindness often overcame me  O my dr Sister what a multitude of Ideas rush in on my ruffled Mind.

   I hope we shall be able to go to meeting tomorrow tho I know I am unable to walk – and my dr Cousin says tho there is no Cart there is a Car – may we be favored with it for I am a poor Church woman & now I am too old to learn abroad at home if God is but present with us Lord teach us to act consistent.

Tuesday June 30 

  Yet here without ye hope of conveyance home the Birds here feasting on the fruit – at home they no doubt enjoy it without molestation but how small are those exertions to the many trials &c O that such might tend to ween us from this vain world so thickly interwoven with thorns & snares.

Sabbath morn

  Cousin Maria & my Betsy was taken in the rain at Bradford where they found shelter till to late to go to Sarum – my legs had been so much exercised & so much enlarged that it was judged by my prudent advisors better to stay at home in quiet – Mrs A went to Downton Church – it astonishes me that she can use so much exercise and receive so much company – you talk of Bradford but surely that is a desolated spot to this incessent revels &c.

   We are glad to hear Cousin Jane is so well – I wish I could say my Jane was better  I fear nothing don’t seem to irradicate her complaint I fear its fixed too deep.  Where we should have had Dr Fowlers advice I cant tell – but I fear all Doctors.

   Dear Philemon was very poorly Saturday with bile & head ach & Monday he took that odious medicine today thro’ mercy he is better – but I fear this fashionable drug is too much trifled with, but they wont allow it till the constitution is sapped & too late to retrieve it. O my dr Sister, was you here that we might together recount the many mercies we once had and deplore all our irreparable bereavements, there our 2 dear Cousins see in the same dr Sarah such a striking Patron of her honoured beloved Mother O could the dr Parents look down & see their dr Daughters & beloved Philemon so strickly following their pendant & I hope pious example who can tell but their happy spirits are permited to watch around & cheer the solitary path that leads to ye right hand of God where Joys are forever & uninterrupted. Dr Maria & my too lively Betsy will not suffer sadness allways to surround in their pleasing & improving observations, & their cheerful chat & soothing songs to the creators praise often lulls our sorrows & our numerous fears to calm repose – indeed I fear mine is stupor – O could I find my heart resting on God as one risen truely risen with Christ in all my ways words & actions – seeking the things above my thoughts affections & desires there where Christ is and where the dr objects of our hearts are safely landed – and is it possible when they are taken fm us yt we can be thus cheerful – indeed I am a wonder to myself as a dying creature hastening to ye grave & yet under all the strokes of thy hand Lord thou permitest us to live & enjoy thy yet spared Mercies – O may we not abuse them Lord direct our ways to keep all thy statutes – this would indeed seem more & more mysterious to my weak capacity – This confused voting surely I never heard before  I can not get a Chaise for Andover not for < > they tell me tis presumptious to attempt to travel, I know not what < > they will do [to] us at Bradford – yet under all my mind is stupid – Lord < > my heart to seek thy face to do thy will to rely on thy divine mercy. Yet I cannot but be very anxious for your health tell us how you all are as we all fear your cold chils fever &c with warm weather will not agree with our beloved friend pray enter to our dr Cousins here – & should we live to return may we find a kind letter yt may relieve our fears  we hear dr Mr A–  is gone to Sarum may he be protected.

1 July

    This morn our kind Cousin has called but he looks very poorly may ye Ld spare ye lovely youth ye only remaining prop of ye earthly kind to this dr family dr Sarah looks on him with a mothers fondness yet both his affectionate Sisters trembles at every change – I fear he has too much on his mind – & added to it he works too hard, pray intreat him to forbear putting his precious hands to so much work – tis no use for we know not who will live to spend it, my heart chears when I think how much both my beloveds labored and for whom  – teach us to act consistent with thy will –  Cousin Sarah & Betty are gone to Sarum to try for a chaise for us to go [home] in – for we have now exceeded our time above a week I hope this rain &c will be over this eve that we may be able to go for day if we can get a Chaise – I find dr M was disappointed in sending her letter so I will take ye liberty of sending this by post  Our dr Cousin Sarah joins my Jane and me in affectionate Duty to dr Aunts & Uncle with love to Cousin & was our 2 trampers near they would join in ye above regards.

   Adieu my dr Sister let us all hear soon & O may you be enabled to send good tidings that may cheer all our hearts sincerely request ever yours

                                             M. H.

Text: Timothy Whelan, gen. ed., Nonconformist Women Writers, 1720-1840 (London: Pickering & Chatto, 2011), vol. 8, pp. 190-93 (annotated version); Attwater Papers, acc. 76, II.A.20, Angus Library, Regent's Park College, Oxford.  Address: Mrs Blatch | Bratton | near Westbury.  No postmark. Marianna is referring above to her brother, Gay Thomas Attwater (1736-92), and his wife, Mary Drewett Attwater (1746-1812), both deceased by this time. Their son, John Attwater, died at Fordingbridge in 1799. In March 1818 Thomas Attwater died, and in April William Attwater, both of Nunton and both sons of Gay Thomas Attwater. These last two deaths have provoked Marianna’s response, made even more poignant by the fact that, unlike her brother and sister-in-law, she has lived to see the death of her husband (1785) and her only son, George. Besides the deaths of Thomas and William Attwater in 1818, William Attwater's wife, Anna (1776-1825), is mentioned also in the letter, as well as Maria Attwater of Nunton, a surviving daughter of Gay Thomas Attwater. Also mentioned are two other children of Gay Thomas Attwater: Sarah Attwater (1765-1830) and her youngest brother, Philemon Attwater (1787-1832), both of Nunton; the latter married Eliza Penny (1789-1877), and all were close friends of the poet Maria Grace Saffery. Others mentioned above include Marianna’s daughter, Elizabeth Theodosia Head (1784-1825), and Marianna Jane Head (d. 1857), who would become the second wife of William Jay (1769-1853), Independent minister at the Argyle Chapel in Bath for 60 years.