Anna Roach, Fordingbridge, to Jane Attwater Blatch, [Bratton], [Saturday], 26 October 1799.

Fordingbridge

October 26th 1799

My dear Mrs Blatch,

   Your sympathetic and affectionate letter claimed an earlier acknowledgment. I flatter myself your goodness will forgive the neglect in the assurance it has not proceeded from want of thought but I may say resolution to address one possessed of your superior abilities, but should the production of the effort I am now making prove the least acceptable it will fully compensate for that timidity which I have perhaps unneccessarily entertained. Still let me hope I have not by the omission forfeited that esteem which you kindly possess for me. I assure you my dear Madam the reflection of being a partaker of your regard affords me peculiar pleasure and consolation and that I may ever share it is my sincere and ardent desire.

   The perusal of your valuable epistle is grateful the suggestions you have been pleased to lay before me are alone capable of restoring serenity to my agitated mind. I sincerely join and acquiesce in the certainty of a real pleasure being found but on the pursuit and practice of religion this is (from experience) the only refuge in distress this only affords substantial comfort and mitigation to the woes incident in human life. The present trial I have assigned me is indeed a very severe one the loss of such a beloved friend we now mourn under is sensibly felt by one whose prospects of earthly comforts was centred in him whose [death] has paid great Nature’s debt. You say my dear friend growing years did not decrease your solicitude for his welfare – they could not. I am persuaded his virtues were many and lasting will be the remembrance of them. How many and often were the times in past affliction that he soothed my depressed spirits with his dear and animating presence and would I fiercely believe gladly have borne his Anna’s afflictions. The retrospection of past happiness produces many keen and painful sensations, such that with all my fortitude I feel myself inadequate to an indulgence of. Resignation to the dispensations of Providence is in frequent instance called for and particularly in the present tho hard & difficult the task with those on whom it fell I feel it such.     

   The language you have pointed out is the only recourse I can have that may afford a tendency to mitigate the poignancy of my present distress of mind which as yet allows but a faint view of that tranquility once possess’d of, my dear Madam. Tho every effort is called forth to speak peace to my mind still the voice of nature will be heard and tears will flow on the recollection of being sever’d from the object that long partook of my affection, one that was truly worthy of the possession of my heart. Justly may this be called a state of trial I have found it such even in the short span of my existence. Long have I born affliction still I will not despair but endeavour to calm my perturbed mind in the assurance of another and a better world where we may look up to with hope for a compensation for all trials alloted us in the sublunary state. Is it not right and fit that we “suffer with Christ if we would also reign with him”?[ii] This cheers me in the bitterest grief and endues me with fortitude to look up to that awful period which wafts us into eternity.

   How can I sufficiently express my thanks united with my dear and Honor’d Parents for the kind attention paid me by the relatives of dear Mr A. particularly you my dear Madam & those kind friends residing with and near you. Happy should I be to accept the repeated invitations I have received but from the precarious state of health that I am subject to (with reluctance I communicate) my fond parents are fearful the distance is too great to undertake at this season but at some future [date] should I be endowed with that inestimable blessing, a restoration of my health, joyfully shall I embrace the period that may conduct me in the presence of those I so much esteem. Mrs Skinner with my dear friends unite in respectful remembrance to yourself & Mr B. with thanks for your kind regards. I have been anxiously expecting my dear Miss Attwater with me whose Society is desireable.[iii] Yes my dear Mrs B. I affectionately love and regard them; deeply are imprinted the kind attentions so recently manifested by the revered Parents and family of my beloved Attwater. In the hope that I may merit a future regard I conclude this inaccurate epistle which is extended to a greater length than I had any idea of. My affectionate regards I have to beg you to present to Mr B. the dear little Anna and all friends residing at Bratton and accept yourself the undisguised love of one who feels much consolation in the anticipation of your friendship, that continuance of it may be granted sincerely wishes your mourning friend

                                 A. Roach

P.S. Happy shall I be in the reception of a few lines from my dear Mrs B. whenever inclination prompts her.                                                       

Reeves Collection, Box 24/3, Bodleian; letter is a copy.  Apparently, Anna Roach was engaged to be married to John Gay Attwater, eldest son of Gay Thomas Attwater; John Attwater was a physician in Fordingbridge and his recent death at the age of 36 is the subject of the letter.

[ii]II Timothy 2:12.

[iii]Most likely Sarah Attwater (1765-1830) of Nunton, John Attwater’s unmarried sister.