Maria Grace Andrews, Isleworth, to Mrs. Elizabeth Saffery, Salisbury, [Tuesday], 3 September 1793.

Isleworth Sepr 3d 1793

Dearest Madam,

   I am now at liberty, to say something to you from the fullness of my heart; and to express (tho’ feebly,) a little part of those tender mercies, which have reach’d me from the Fountain of Eternal Truth.

   After a day, spent in a variety of painful thought (for we did not say much) we arrived here in safety, about six in ye Even.g Here while I stop to acknowledge the providential kindness, of the Lord, I would admire the amazing condescensions of His Love, in the gracious supports afforded to my Soul.  Yes my dr Friend amidst all the various sinkings of my Mind, I hope that “underneath I found the Everlasting Arms.”[2]  Nor did the gloomy Cloud of Trouble, which seem’d to gather thick about me, quite intercept the healing Beam. – It was time to take an impartial survey, and reviewing the past, I thought I could trust the future to Him, who “ordereth all things, according to the Counsel of his own Will.”[3] & before whom I had such abundant cause to say, “I am not worthy of ye least, of all ye mercies, or of all the truth, which Thou has shewed me.”[4] 

   My Father received us very gladly.  I am rather perplex’d concerning his views; he is not ignorant of every thing respecting me; such as my attending the Gospel, as preach’d by a Dissenting Minister, for whom I had a particular esteem: of my strong affection to religious Characters, in general; but more especially at Sarum, &c.  But as he said last Night, there was something Mr Harding, kept behind a Veil, which he did not quite like.  This I suppose was baptism. I smiled at the prudence manifested in this slight concealment; & said nothing.[5]  There is however great reason to confess ye restraining grace of God, as exerted in my favor.  As it respects himself only, my fears are perhaps dreadfully exceeded for my poor Father, but he is visibly over ruled in his conduct towards me.  If he intrudes on my retirement (which indeed is so often, that I almost despair of writing to you) he looks anxiously at my books, apologizes for the interruption, & is silent  if he bids me discard my gravity, tis in a way which implies a distrust of my compliance & arguing with me the other day, against a return to S—m, which I am sorry to say he dislikes, he offer’d me lodgings in Town, “where you can hear (he added,) very good Preachers, tho’ not your favorite.” Now all this from one who is openly prophane in his conversation, & extremely violent in his temper, is very wonderful & causes me to say What hath God wrought![6]

   You find my dr Madam, yt I am alive, & well enough to trouble you with my affairs; tho at this distance (& if you will admit the Paradox), not in the land of the living. & what a wretched barren Scene is this beautiful Villa, to my intellectual sight! Nothing but dry bones with a very small exception; in this Valley of vision!  this is to breathe in tainted Air. & I shall be afraid of the pestilence till I enjoy the Air of Brown St which Mr H. you know say’s, will cure every thing.

   Our dear Anne tho she won’t easily confess it, is often very low; & talks a great deal about the plague of her heart, as a convincing proof, that the Lord has done nothing for her! –

   I can give you no adequate idea, of my feelings, on the past Sabbath; Oh! then I think I had a sorrowful Evidence, of my delight in Gods House.  I did not go out, but spent it as much alone, as possible  we had Company, not such as those in whose society my “weary soul wd rest”[7] I find it very difficult to walk toward them that are without wisely. I am afraid of assenting by a smile, to the impiety of their sentiments; or the prophanity of their manners, and yet in the midst of my former resolves, while my Soul is fill’d with horror, I am betray’d into an outward alliance with Sinners in their foolish mirth.

   I hope to go to Town next Week; & am encouraged by the hope of seeing Mrs Shoveler.  I wish I felt more submission in my desire to return. The World has nothing to offer, why shd it enslave me?

   Now if indeed you wd afford me consolation, write soon; don’t let me think myself forgotten.  Send yr Pacquet by ye Coach directed for me at Mr Sexton’s Linnen Draper Brentford (to be left till call’d for)  my warmest acknowledgments to all our dr Friends, my Sister unites with me in affecte respects, to Mr Saffery  Adieu dr Madam,  

                     yrs with ye tenderest Esteem

                                             M G Andrews

our united love to dr Mrs Houghton she will hear from us very soon –

Text: Timothy Whelan, gen. ed., Nonconformist Women Writers, 1720-1840 (London: Pickering & Chatto, 2011), vol. 6, pp. 56-58 (annotated version); Saffery/Whitaker Papers, acc. 142, I.A.11.(b.), Angus Library. Address: Mrs Saffery | Exeter Street | Sarum.  Postmark:  4 September 1793. This may be Maria Grace Andrews’s first visit to Isleworth since she left home in January 1792. Apparently Mr. Harding, now somewhat sympathetic to Maria's attendance at Brown Street, has been less than candid with Mr. Andrews about the matter. Mr. Andrews, a nominal but loyal Anglican, preferred that his daughter live in London and attend to the preaching of some of the evangelical Anglican ministers, like Thomas Scott and John Newton, than return to Salisbury and the Baptist church there, which had become more satisfying to his daughter than anything available to her in Isleworth.